The Court's Closed on Christmas, by The Eradicator

The Court's Closed on Christmas

by The Eradicator

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Black vinyl, single sided LP, limited to 300. Includes download.

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Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album
12 track CD, contains the 6 tracks on "The Court's Closed on Christmas" plus the debut "Eradicator" EP

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1.	The Court's Closed on Christmas 02:48	lyrics	buy track
Rolling down the street in the back of a cab I'm wakin' up early getting ready for a match The queen’s just chillin' in the palm of my hand We’re just chillin' We’re just chillin' Getting out the cab hold my dark black mask Rollin' to the court with my queen in hand Walkin' to the door no one in sight STOP What the hell is this? Why’s the court closed? Oh fuck is it Christmas again? The court is closed on Christmas And this really really sucks All these stupid fucks Don’t give a fuck This really really sucks The court is closed on Christmas Fuck this shit Every god damn year Fucking yule time cheer Why does anybody care? I don’t care about religion Or about the lies you believe Because every fucking year No one is here to play squash with me I feel lonely at the top, so I pray to the Squash Goggs The court is closed on Christmas And this really really sucks All these stupid fucks Don’t give a fuck This really really sucks The court is closed on Christmas Fuck this shit Every god damn year Fucking yule time cheer Why does any body care? I don’t care about your shithead kids I don’t care about em I don’t give a fuck You ditch me every year My home’s empty Get fucked I don’t care about religion Or about the lies you believe Because every fucking year No one is here to play squash with me Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Fuck you Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Fuck you The court is closed on Christmas This fucking sucks All these stupid fucks Don’t give a fuck This really really sucks The court is closed on Christmas Fuck this shit Every god damn year Fucking yule time cheer Why does anybody care? Thumpety thump thump thumpety thump thump The squash man wants to go All these stupid motherfuckers are staying at home I’m a squash man all alone Thumpety thump thump thumpety thump thump I want to play on…. Stupid mother fuckers Fucking fuck
2.	In My Court 02:48	lyrics	buy track
You tell me it's just a game You just need an excuse You tell me it's apart of your life You just think you look cool You tell me you are different You're just a pusshead You tell me you're about to win You just need to fall So get the fuck out You're in my court, you're in my court You'll perish at the hand of me In my court Your game will end at the hand of me In my court You tell me the game won't matter You're just fucking scared You tell me that I'm better You're absolutely right You tell me you wish you were me You just wish you did You tell me that I'm making a difference It's cause I'm fucking trying What ladders have you climbed? You're in my court, you're in my court You'll perish at the hand of me In my court Your game will end at the hand of me In my court
3.	I Wanna Be a Squash Man 02:36	lyrics	buy track
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go I wanna be a squash man Nothing to do no court to call home I wanna be a squash man Just get me to the airport Put me on a plane Hurry hurry hurry, before I lose my game I can’t control my future, I can’t hold my queen Oh no oh oh oh oh Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go I wanna be a squash man Nothing to do no court to call home I wanna be a squash man Just get me to the cab Get me to the plane Hurry hurry hurry, before I lose my game I can’t control the pussheads, I gotta spread my name Oh no oh oh oh oh Squash squash squash squash squash squash squash squash Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go I wanna be a squash man Nothing to do no court to call home I wanna be a squash man Just put me in a cab Get me to the court Hurry hurry hurry, I can’t lose my game I can’t control the traffic, the ladders got my brain Oh no oh oh oh oh
4.	The Man In The Mask 02:44	lyrics	buy track
Well you wonder why I always wear a mask Why you never see my face in front or back And why does my appearance seem to have a frightening tone Well there’s a reason for this thing that I have on I wear the mask for the pussheads I’ve beaten down Living on the hopeless side of the ladder I wear it for the prisoners who will long pay for their crimes When they try to break me time after time I wear the mask for those who’ve never read Or listened to the words grandfather said About the road to dominance through squash all the time But you know they’re at the end of the line Well I’m doing mighty fine I do suppose My scream is on and I’m wearing fancy clothes But just so we’re reminded of the ones who’ve fallen back At the top there ought to be a man in a mask I wear it for the sick and lonely old For the jealous ones whose matches came to the end I wear the mask in darkness for the lives that could have been Each week I beat a hundred dumb pussheads And I wear it for the thousands whose dreams died Believing that the ladder was on their side I wear it for another hundred thousand who will try Believing that the game was on their side Well there are games that suck, this I know And things keep changing everywhere I go But til we start to make a move to make a few things right You’ll never see my ass in a suit or tie I’d love to ditch the mask someday And tell the world the ladder will be OK But these pussheads aim a target on my back Until my fight is over, I’m the man in the mask
5.	I'm Not The One 02:14	lyrics	buy track
I’m not the one Haven’t been there for you all along Not the one The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on Nice guys finish last No one knows as good as me We’re not good friends Don’t come to me for sympathy I tell you that you’re not my type Stop calling me late at night Every time you pick a fight After all I’ve said and all I’ve done I’m not the one Haven’t been here for you all along Not the one The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on I’m a total dick That’s the truth and you know I’m right For everything I say I’ll never ever do you right You love the squash man who treats you wrong You think you’ll change me But you’re wrong You choose to fight, I say so long After all I’ve said and all I’ve done I’m not the one Haven’t been here for you all along Not the one The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on I’m the one Who doesn’t want you for anything I don’t feel the same for you I made it clear to you Start listening to what I’m saying You’re not the one I’m playing After all I’ve said and all I’ve done I’m not the one Haven’t been here for you all along Not the one The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on
6.	Squashie 02:09	lyrics	buy track
Listen up you pussheads Here’s what’s up We’re gonna integrate two very important things and those are intelligence and squash In squash You must win the match Which one cannot do if between me and the ladder it’s a fact Most squashies are quick React the drop of the hat But you cannot defeat me Because your shit’s so whack What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds? You play squash Try the backhand, try the serve, there’s no getting through I told you ten times you cannot beat me, dude I won’t get tired, cuz I’ll just lie on my side And you still try to beat me but my game is too fine You’ll record the match and you’ll watch on the tele Blown away by my game and your legs are just jelly Me and my queen, we’ll be the new sensation The PSA won’t let me play and that’s discrimination! What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds? You play squash (you can’t beat me in England) Hey man do you know what’s up? The game could’ve used me in the Grandfather Cup And I don’t care if my mask ruins the sport of the game Cuz I’m winning, yeah I’m winning What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds? You play squash And we dance Like a wave in the ocean Pounds And we live and we love You play squash Squash

about

The Court's Closed on Christmas is a special EP release from the Chicago/Milwaukee based aggressive punk band & solo artist The Eradicator, which is based on an absurdist expansion of the classic Kids in the Hall sketch of the same name where a masked squash player attempts to terrorize his opponents in an athletic club squash league.

On the EP's profanity-laden title track, The Eradicator expresses his selfish discontent with the one day every year where he can't play the sport of squash with others - Christmas Day. The track explores the same contradiction between aggression and melody that can be heard on the prior release from The Eradicator, 2017's debut full length LP, titled The Eradicator.

The remaining tracks of the EP are augmented covers of Minor Threat, Ramones, Johnny Cash, Descendents, and Atom And His Package. The Eradicator claims that his grandfather, referred to as The Grandfather of Squash, originally wrote these songs and the aforementioned artists stole, re-wrote, and popularized their own versions.

This EP is a precursor to the upcoming 2nd full length from The Eradicator, titled Peak Eradicator, which will be released in 2019.

credits

released October 15, 2018

Engineered and Mixed by Pete Grossmann at Bricktop Recording from May to July 2018
Mastered by Brad Boatright at Audiosiege in July 2018
Layout and Illustrations by Eric Baskauskas at Wall of Youth

The Eradicator on this recording is:

Vocals, Guitar, Keyboards – Andy Slania
Guitar – Scott Thomson
Bass, Backup Vocals – Ryan Bollis
Drums – Danny Walkowiak

Song 1 inspired by the rendition of “Frosty the Snowman” by Ella Fitzgerald.
Song 2 based on the track “In My Eyes” by Minor Threat. Used with permission.
Song 3 based on the track “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones. Used with license courtesy of WB Music Corp. OBO Taco Tunes.
Song 4 based on the track “The Man In Black” by Johnny Cash. Used with license courtesy of Bug Music OBO Songs of Cash, Inc.
Song 5 based on the track “I’m The One” by Descendents. Used with license courtesy of All Group, Inc. d/b/a Schwinn Tone.
Song 6 based on the track “Goalie” by Atom And His Package. Used with permission.

Song 1 written by Andy Slania
Songs 2-6 originally written by my grandfather, The Grandfather of Squash.
Songs 2-6 re-written with different lyrics, and made more popular by the artists mentioned above.

Gang vocal appearances on The Court’s Closed on Christmas, I Wanna Be A Squash Man, and Squashie by Kendra Sheetz, Mike Slania, Stephanie Fitting, Pete Grossmann.

The Eradicator concept is based on the Kids in the Hall sketch of the same name.

Thank you to everyone who was a part of this project in current, previous, and future form, which includes Nick Woods, Danny Walkowiak, Steve Maury, Ryan Bollis, Justin Morrow, Chris Siuty, Kevin Chapman, Dave Hofer, Scott Thomson, Lawrence Kole, Taylor Shupe, Josh Stacey, Adam Schurman, Chris Lidstone, Alex Ewigleben, Matt Stacks, Dylan Wachman, Tommy McPhail, Caleb Coffey, and Luke Gunn.

All songs published by The Eradicator (ASCAP).

Access The Eradicator:
facebook.com/theeradicatorband
eradicator.bandcamp.com

The Eradicator is officially endorsed by Squash.

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