He grew up in a town without any ambition
Spent all his nights on the courts
With volition and sheer will
He wrecked havoc and planted a name for himself in squash lore
His name was John and he played squash
His name was John and he’d pick you apart
He would dominate his land and
Drove away all the pussheads
Thinking that they would own him on the court
John the Squash Man
Nobody’s every man
Not a friend to his name
A clear view of his lane
Destroying every squash game
John wanted to venture out
Did research on prospective squash crowns
With an eye to the sky
And the D Squash Ladder on his mind
He packed up and left town
With a one way ticket in his hand
He prepaid a full year on my land
When he arrived on my site
And demonstrated his tight stride
The pussheads would all run away in fright
John the Squash Man
Nobody’s every man
Not a friend to his name
With an eye on my game
Trying to overtake all that I’ve made
John walked in to challenge me
On the court where I go to sleep
We began to play the game
Surprised by my game
Didn’t know squash was my destiny
It was a long hard difficult match
One still talked about across squash land
But at the end of the day
He had to walk away because no one will mother fucking defeat me!
John the Squash Man
Get the fuck off of my land
I would call him my friend
If he wasn’t such a puss head
No one can take the ladder away from me
John the Squash Man
Nobody’s every man
If you hear about his game
He might bring up my name
The one who he couldn’t defeat
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